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Why I Left my Husband & Kids

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I am a 51-year-old mother of two but I left my husband and then-teenage kids in the USA and relocated to Nigeria.

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I came back to Nigeria to spread my wings, I felt like I was pregnant and couldn’t have a child…like my wings were sort of closed in, like I was boxed in. I needed more, my soul needed more, I was yearning for more. I didn’t know the price that will come with it but I had to make the sacrifice.

I relocated down to Nigeria in search of greener pastures in Nollywood.

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I paid the price of not having a connection with my children then. My daughter was 13, my son was 11…I was a hands-on mother before I left them. At a point, I even quit my job to raise my kids. I sacrificed a lot for them to be nurtured…only to now leave them in their early teenage years with their father…and then again, their dad is out there making a living and I am here making a living in Nigeria so they missed the joint parental touch but that is about that.

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I left my husband because he allowed me, we divorced 5 years ago when I was 45 and that was a huge sacrifice. He is a good man and father to the children. The distance affected us, the long-distance relationship was difficult…but I knew I wanted this. If I go back, it will be too much of a sacrifice, I wouldn’t be myself and at some point, I will resent him so I had to focus on what I wanted.

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I judged myself…but I thank God he did it for me this way because it is better for me. I built my marriage, we had kids, I nurtured them and then I progressed for my career. I suffered the judgement for so long of choosing career over family but I didn’t tell anyone.

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You see, I don’t care much what people say about me, but I care more about my children and close-knit family. When it happened I didn’t have to explain much to my family, my pastor. They saw me, they saw the light in my eyes and agreed.

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My children come here often on vacation. One day my daughter said to me, “I am glad you made the decision you made, it has taught me as a woman to be a goal-getter and go for what you want.” I was happy when she said that.

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As a woman, there is time for everything….marriage, children…. A and there is more to being a mum and wife. If your children are still young especially when they are babies, you need to nurture them, give them a good foundation because they didn’t ask to come to the world but you brought them….so give them that nurturing and then face career and self after they are groomed. Some have it all but don’t you dare forget your dreams and yourself in process.

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I am a one-Man woman. I love marriage and marriage at this age for me is gonna be sweet, no babies to nurture …just enjoyment, take me travelling, vacation and if you are gonna marry, you have to double up…and if it doesn’t happen, Shaffy is alright.

~Shaffy Bello~

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