The Passive Aggressive Personality

What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior? Passive-aggressive behavior is the act of expressing negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. Someone who uses passive aggression may feel angry, resentful or frustrated, but they act neutral, pleasant or even cheerful. They then find indirect ways to show how they really feel.

When someone uses passive aggression, they might say one thing, like, “Sure, I’d be happy to!” and do another, like brood and complain while doing the task. They might also do something that seems kind on the surface, but is actually the direct opposite to another person’s wishes. For example, if you tell a colleague of yours that you’re trying to lose weight, if he or she is a passive-aggressive person, they are likely to bring you a cake or chocolate the next day.

Although the passive-aggressive behavior isn’t in itself a medical condition, it can be associated with other mental health diagnoses and Personality Disorders like the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or the Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) (especially covert narcissism). Also, it can be linked to Anxiety Disorders, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), Depression and Substance Abuse.

However, it is crucial to note that Passive-Aggression isn’t a mental illness. But people with mental health conditions may act that way. Passive aggression could damage your personal and professional relationships if not handled properly.

Note: Everyone can behave passive aggressively from time to time, depending on the situation at hand and also due to some personal reasons. But if/when it becomes a pattern, that’s when it actually becomes a problem; and that’s when they move from just BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE (occasionally acting passive-aggressively) to actually BECOMING A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSON (turning the seldom acts into a habit which in turn turns into a personality). Sometimes you can’t quite guess why communication or relationship with someone could be so draining, uncomfortable or downright S0ul-crushing. Well, it’s possible you’ve been dealing with a passive-aggressive person.

Here are sure ways to know if you are dealing with a Passive Aggressive Person.

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12 Signs You’re Dealing with a Passive Aggressive Person

Passive-aggressive people are usually the way they are because they have low self-esteem and so they struggle dealing with conflict. So before you judge them and end the relationship, give them several chances to practice honest communication with you. It may take time but it’s worth a shot and may help you expand compassion to know that passive-aggressiveness is often inherited in family relationships. But also know your limits around toxic ones. Know that while you should be patient, it isn’t your job to fix them; and if you realize that you on your own part have some passive-aggressive traits yourself, you can slowly and carefully take the steps to learn how to be more assertive and authentic.

Some red flags that someone is being passive-aggressive:

• Resents or out-rightly opposes the instructions of others, though they may still do what they’re told.
• Delays finishing a task that someone else requested or makes intentional mistakes.
• Has a sarcastic or argumentative attitude.
• Routinely complains about feeling underappreciated.
• Criticizes others.

Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

In as much as anger, frustration and displeasure are normal emotions; people who rely on passive aggression rather than direct communication to show these emotions often grew up in family where that behaviour was common. It might not have felt safe for them to directly express their feelings as a child. Also, people can also pick up this behaviour as adults. They may act this way because it helps them get what they want. They may equally do it to avoid confrontations. Many people are only passive-aggressive in some situations – for example, at the work place or at a social gathering – but not in others.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior Management

Everyone can behave passive aggressively from time to time. But if it’s a pattern, that’s when it’s a problem. Many people don’t realize that they’re being passive-aggressive in some situations. The behavior may feel “normal” to them. Or they might think it’s the best way to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or to prevent something bad from happening.

So if the passive aggression of a friend, family member or colleague is troubling you, try being direct about what you want or need without labeling their behavior as “passive-aggressive.”

Using “I” statements can be helpful. For example, “I don’t like it when you regularly show up for meetings late. It makes me feel like this isn’t important to you. Would you please try to be on time going forward?” Sometimes, being direct or behaving assertively with passive aggressive people can show them how to behave (assertively) too.

You may have to keep telling a passive-aggressive person your needs before you see an improvement in the way they act. If the behaviour doesn’t change, consider getting the advice of a therapist. A therapist can help you understand ways you may be contributing to the situation. They can give you communication skills to improve future interactions. They can also help you decide if it’s time to reduce interaction with the person or step away from the relationship.

Likewise, if you believe that your behaviour may be passive-aggressive, also see a therapist. They can help you learn to be more assertive and improve your relationships.